I found the prospect of becoming a grandmother somewhat daunting. I was younger than I thought a grandmother should be when I got the news that I was going to become one myself. I admit, it was not a role that I was emotionally ready to embrace. I had been a young mother, and had certainly hoped my daughter would not face that same challenge. I remarried when she was a teenager, then had two more children. On getting the news that she was expecting, I remember thinking “What do I know about being a grandmother – I haven’t even finished raising my own kids yet!” I don’t like to be unprepared, so I read a few books about grandparenting. That gave me a little help, but I was still uncertain. I thought about other grandmothers I knew, and got a few ideas I liked and a few more that I didn’t. But I couldn’t quite figure out what kind of grandmother I wanted to be. Then I thought about my own grandmother, Granny, as she’s known by most people, and I knew I had the answer.

I didn’t realize it until that moment, but my own grandmother was the example for the kind of grandmother I wanted to be. I am fortunate that I got to spend a lot of time with my grandparents when I was a little kid. Here’s what I learned from my Granny:

Grandmothers always have a cookie jar. For my entire life, Granny always had a cookie jar full of cookies. When I was a little tiny girl, just at eye level with the counter, Granny would get the cookie jar down for me. When I was a little older I learned how to pull the chair over so I could reach. As I got taller, if I really stretched, I could reach the cookie jar with my finger tips and move it close enough to get it down off the counter to find out what kind of treat was inside. Always the first thing I did when I went to Granny’s house was check the cookie jar, and there were always cookies in it. Many years later, I’d drive my own children to Granny’s house and the first thing I’d do is get us all a cookie. So grandmothers must have a cookie jar, and on my granddaughter’s first Christmas, my daughter bought me my own cookie jar.

Grandmothers are creative. When I was little, there weren’t a lot of toys at Granny’s house, but we never lacked in ways to entertain ourselves. Granny had a coffee can full of pop bottle lids – the metal kind that required an opener to remove them from the glass pop bottles. Those provided hours of entertainment! I’d sort through them and pick out the ones that weren’t bent too badly and build a castle with them. We also did crafts, like making beautiful flowers from tissues, and when I was about five or so, she taught me to crochet. No matter how much I messed up, she always praised my efforts.

Grandmothers know how to have fun. Time at Granny’s was never boring. She always had lots of fun things we could do. I could wash dishes as long as I wanted, and even rinse them, but never when the sharp knife was in the sink. She’d put a kitchen chair for me to stand on right by the sink, fill it with warm – but never too hot – sudsy water on one side and warm water on the other side to rinse in. I could wash dishes for as long as I wanted to. If the water got cold, she’d warm it back up for me. If I accidentally splashed water all over the place, she’d let me clean it up with the towel. She always told me I was doing a great job.

She let me help in other ways too. We made the most delicious desserts. We’d take a box of graham crackers, break the crackers in half, then put icing between the two halves. Graham cracker cookies we called them. Another treat we fixed was peanut butter mixed with butter and syrup. We’d spread it on a piece of white bread and I thought it was delicious! As a child, I could not imagine anything could taste better, or be more fun.

Sometimes we’d go to the park and I’d get to spend the whole day playing with all my cousins. On hot summer nights we’d go to the ice cream shop, and Granny and Grandpa waited patiently while I chose exactly the flavor I wanted. Sometimes all we’d do is go for a ride in the car. In those days there were a lot of old abandoned houses around, and I really wanted to go inside one, so Granny decided to take me “spooking”. I was so excited! Armed with flashlights, even though it was daytime, we went inside one of the old houses. I made it about as far as the front door then got too scared and started crying and Grandpa had to carry me back to the car. We decided we wouldn’t go “spooking” any more.

Grandmothers are magical. Granny had the amazing talent of being able to pull a penny out of the wall at any time. I would point to a spot on the wall and she could always pull a penny out. No matter how hard I tried I could never find those pennies and get them out of the wall. She let me keep the pennies too, and even gave me an old powder box to put them in. I still have that powder box.

Grandmothers are patient. One of my favorite things to do as a little girl was “fix” Granny’s hair. She would sit and let me brush her hair, part it however I wanted to, and adorn it with various bobby pins and hair clips. She always told me it looked beautiful, and sometimes she even wore my attractive hairdos in public. She’d also let me play nurse and rub lotion on her arms and legs – she probably had the softest skin in town!

Other times, she and Grandpa would pack up the fishing gear and take my brother and me fishing. They’d bait our hooks over and over again after we cast our lines badly and lost the worms. Every now and then we’d catch a fish and it was always a beauty. One time while attempting to cast my line I accidentally snagged my brother’s neck. Grandpa just unhooked my brother while Granny packed up the fishing gear, then took us home to clean him up. She didn’t even scold me.

Grandmothers never disappoint. Thanksgiving has always been a big deal for me because for most of my life the way we celebrated was an unwavering tradition in our family. We always had Thanksgiving dinner at Granny’s house. Even as an adult with my own kids and then grandkids, we went to Granny’s house for Thanksgiving. Then six years ago, Grandpa died the day before Thanksgiving. I can’t even describe how sad we were. No one even wanted to have Thanksgiving that year, but we went to my mom’s house for dinner anyway, and my grandparents weren’t there, for the first time in my life. I still get a lump in my throat thinking about it. The following year we were going to start a new Thanksgiving tradition and have dinner at my mom’s house. I knew it made sense to do that, but emotionally I didn’t want to make that change. The worst part was, Granny said she wasn’t going to come since it was near the one year anniversary of Grandpa’s death. I told my mom she had to, and she said “Well, she won’t”. About a week before Thanksgiving, I was at Granny’s house and brought up the subject. We had a lengthy discussion and I did my best cajoling, but she said “Christy, I’m too old now.” I clearly remember standing in front of her saying “But I’m not old enough” as tears rolled down my cheeks. She wrapped me in her arms then, as she’d done so often when I was little, even though I was now a full grown woman with my own grandchildren, told me that she loved me and that she’d be there for Thanksgiving. And she was.

Grandmothers love unconditionally. Thinking back on a lifetime of memories of Granny, the thing that stands out for me is that in my whole life, Granny never once said mean words to me. I don’t recall ever thinking she was mad at me. I know I wasn’t a perfect child, but I always felt like to her I was beautiful and everything I did was wonderful. She believed in me. Even as an adult she still treats me that way. How lucky I’ve been to have a lifetime of love, praise and encouragement like that. I visit Granny as often as I can. Sometimes we play cards, sometimes we watch TV, sometimes we just talk. When I’m traveling I call her to pass the time while I’m driving. Sometimes I call her when I’m sad or frustrated. She always encourages me and does not judge me. I know I am so very lucky to have had a grandmother for 47 years. I also know that’s not nearly long enough.

With my own grandchildren, I’ve fallen short on most of the lessons I learned from Granny. I’ve got a cookie jar, but it’s never had a cookie in it. It does have old Halloween and Christmas candy in it though. I don’t really like to have my hair brushed because no matter who does it, it pulls, and I don’t sit down long enough to be lotioned. I still don’t bait my own hooks, let alone someone else’s. But of everything I learned from Granny, what I am determined to carry on to my grandchildren is loving them unconditionally; believing in their unique abilities and encouraging and praising them in whatever they do. If I am able to maintain the relationship with them that my grandmother has with me, I’ll feel like I lived up to Granny’s example.

Christy Poturkovic is a Certified Empowerment Coach, speaker and facilitator with more than 25 years of business and sales experience. Her diverse background includes sales, management, product evaluation and long range planning. She has worked with individuals and groups from the board room to the front lines to define desired results and achieve them.

Christy is passionate about helping people discover and achieve their full potential by building on their inherent strengths. She provides a proven process that enables clients to create a plan that will help them achieve a higher degree of success, both personally and professionally. Her approach helps clients expand the attitudes, skills, knowledge, and habits that result in sustainable improved performance.

Christy is active in several local Chambers of Commerce, Toastmasters, the Indy Chapter of Int’l Coach Federation, and is a 2007 graduate of the Hamilton County Leadership Academy.

Her guiding principle is “it is better to dare mighty deeds than to live a life of quiet desperation and wonder what might have been.”

You can contact her at http://www.SuccessStrategiesLLC.com

He that hath time and looks for better time, time comes that he repents himself of time.
George Bertrand

For the first time in I don’t know how many years, I actually slept in on Saturday morning… if you call 8 o’clock sleeping in. As Judy and I just lay there talking, enjoying the sun shining in through the window, it hit us that “today, we can do whatever it is that we want to do.” The kids were all out of the house and we didn’t have to be anywhere until supper time, so we just relaxed and chatted about the “old days” when it was just the two of us, without responsibilities, without children, without stress and without complications. Days when we lived in Montreal, when we would get up early, drive downtown and have strawberry crepes for brunch, when our only thoughts were on gaining the total enjoyment of that moment in that place in time where we shared our eternities. Those days were all about being with the one you loved and sharing the present moment, while talking about the “what if’s” and the “wouldn’t it be nice”. To me, those moments that would slowly fill our days, and which would run into weeks and empty into months was all we had. Of course we had our jobs, with our own responsibilities, but in retrospect, it all seemed so much simpler then.

So on Saturday, deciding to relive an old memory, we decided to walk to a restaurant for brunch… just because we could!

As we were sat there in the restaurant picking away at our food and continuing our “remember when” conversation, I was watching the young server and I said, “I’d love to be that age again; so young, so full of life and so full of possibilities.” To which Judy said, “You know, those days were nice, but would you really give up the memories and the possessions that you have now to go back to then?” Without even having to think about it I replied, “There’s no way that I would ever want to miss the experiences of having children and of watching them grow, or of buying our first house, or growing the relationships that we enjoy with family and friends. That time in between then and now has been so important to me, but I often wonder what I would do differently if I had that time back.”

Later Saturday evening, as I was mentally putting my day’s activities to rest, a random thought strayed brazenly into my consciousness: The time in between your past memories and your future dreams is all you have to work with. You can choose to either create new memories or achieve new dreams, or tear down old memories and cancel new dreams. The choice, however simple it may sound, is yours.

While I believe it is nice to go back in time and remember how it used to be, the danger that many people find themselves in is that they sometimes decide to stay there. Staying there, in the past, may be easy and sometimes enjoyable, but to remain there insulates us from the possibilities of our present current reality. Staying there can also create more stress than we realize, because we start to compare what we were then to what we are now, and we start to lust for something that has passed, and lose sight of where we are; and to do that is just not fair to the decisions that we have made along the way or to ourselves or the people who are in our lives now that we are comparing our past to. We can not move into anything new, if we keep our feet planted in the past. It’s like trying to get into a boat to go out on the water, while keeping one foot chained to the dock and the other one chained to the boat; sooner or later something MUST give and we’re going to have to make a difficult decision; Either we stay on the dock where it is safe and dry and not moving and just pretend that we’ve got everything in order, or get in the boat that is moving out to the middle of the lake that is unknown, but is calling you. We will feel so much more alive moving into the unknown than we ever could by taking the safe, familiar path that leads from our past. No matter what we may think, no matter how firmly planted we are in our past, we cannot escape the fact that the future is going to happen. So, we can make a future filled with regrets by comparing it to our past, or we can make one filled with success that is fresh every day. The only thing that we actually DO have is the time that is in between those two states. What are you doing with yours?

This week, savour those moments of your life where you once tasted success, enjoy the fresh aroma of your achievements, but don’t linger too long at that table, lest the achievements that you tasted yesterday spoil and drive you from the recipe of your present life. Dare to be here, today, in the space between, and when you do, you will be much more prepared to learn from your past, willing to experience your present and remain open to what will be.

Make this your best week ever!

Paul

For 22 years, Paul Kearley has thrived in the personal development and coaching business. As a Master Coach for the past 10 years, Paul’s passion is in developing and creating increased potential with both clients and other trainers. A columnist for two newspapers in Eastern Canada, and editor for his own weekly ezine, Paul writes articles that address the everyday challenges we all have and face in life and in business, and offers suggestions for success.

If you’d like to connect with Paul to discuss your personal or business strategies or to subscribe to “E-Motion” his weekly newsletter , simply send an e-mail to carnegie@nbnet.nb.ca, visit http://www.mustthinking.com or call 506 433 4722.

Why read Dr. Martin Luther King’s “Letter From A Birmingham Jail?” Why read a letter that was written decades ago in a cold jail cell by a man who has been dead for almost forty years? The answer is simple. Dr. King wrote this eloquent and profound letter while confined in a Birmingham city jail. In this letter responding to criticism from his fellow clergymen, Dr. King explains to the world why he has gone about his activities the way he has. His fellow clergymen called his activities “unwise and untimely” and questioned his methods and motivations.

This letter’s purpose was to explain to people why he chose to implement his direct-action, non-violent protests at that time and why he could not wait. King says, “We have waited for more that 340 years for our constitutional and God-given rights. The nations of Asia and Africa are moving with jet like speed toward gaining political independence, but we stiff creep at horse-and-buggy pace toward gaining a cup of coffee at a lunch counter.” Dr. King believed that his people had waited long enough for justice and equality. Dr. King was never idle and did not wait for justice to be handed to him. He was assertive and impatient when it came to the freedom of his people.

Today, we can learn much from the ideals presented by Dr. King and his letter from a Birmingham jail. We too must be assertive and impatient about our wants and our needs. Achieving justice should be part of every individuals life for generations to come. Injustices are still present in today’s world and will continue to be present as long as human beings inhabit this earth. The injustices that Dr. King encountered in his life time are still present in this country today. In Dr. King’s time, the injustices of segregation and racism were definitely more obvious.

The oppressor was as clear as black and white. The injustices that we as a people face today in this country are much more nebulous and more subtle, but they do exist. Segregation and racism are, possibly, as alive today as in Dr. King’s time. It may even be present in your church, in your school, or around your community without you even realizing it. This is the reason why it is important for us to study Dr. King’s life and works. The fact that injustices are still present today should motivate each of us to transform the status quo. It is our responsibility today to carry on Dr. King’s legacy so that we can continue to progress in a way that will lead to the overall progress and betterment of our world.