You think you would recognize him don’t you? You think you can spot a phony from a mile away? Think again …

You meet in a chat room. You may not notice him right away but he has had his eye on you for sometime now. He’s manipulative. He sits in wait just watching and listening. When he’s ready for you to Cnn him, he’ll make his move.

You are his unsuspecting prey. He will stop at nothing to chase you down. When the time is right, he will let you see him. He’ll dominate the conversation so you notice him. Slowly he’ll work his way into your conversation. He’ll turn on his web cam to display his bare chest. Each day he moves a little closer to you until you become “friends”. But that’s not what he has in mind for you. He’s determined to take you as his trophy.

He begins by gaining your sympathy. He tells you about his last relationship and how deeply she hurt him even though he did everything he could to make her happy. He’ll give you examples too. He may even cry for drama. You’ll fall for his sensitivity. He’ll fill you with compliments. Tell you how beautiful you are.

You are starting to look at him in a different light now.

SNAP! You’ve taken the bait.

You think he’s so sweet, so charming and so considerate and loving. You tell him you want to get to know him better. You feel you can make a difference in his life. You feel you are the one to make him eternally happy. He’ll ask you why a gorgeous creature like you would want to be with a redneck hick like him.

And so, the courting begins … He tells you everything you want to hear. He knows what you want to hear because he’s shrewd and he’s been paying attention.

He’ll give you a long list of reasons why you probably shouldn’t be with him. He’ll say something like; he doesn’t make much money or he’s really not as nice a guy as you think. You admire his honesty. He’s funny, easy going and he hangs on your every word. You think how bad can he be if he admits his own shortcomings?

You begin talking for countless hours online or on the phone. He eases your troubled mind, lifts the burdens off your shoulders. He makes you laugh and showers you with attention. He is all that and a bag of chips.

The compliments are running ramped now. Your ego is sky high! He’ll make you believe you can be whatever you want to be or do whatever you want to do. You’ll make plans for the future together. Share your hopes and dreams. He tells you he’ll love and protect you always. You’re mesmerized. He has lulled you into a nice ‘n cozy, warm and fuzzy, snug as a bug in a rug, sense of security.

This man is relentless. He’ll follow you around like a lost puppy and give in to your every whim, until you believe he’s a dream come true and you can not live without him.

Before you realize it, you’ve lost all perspective. You disregard advice from family and friends when you tell them you are going to move in together. It doesn’t even matter that he lives hundreds and hundreds of miles away from you! None of that matters. You MUST be with him.

He’ll concoct some story about why the area you live in won’t work for him. More than likely it will be because of his occupation and he’ll convince you TO MOVE TO HIS HOUSE. In reality, he doesn’t want you to be near family or friends … he wants you to be totally dependent on him.

THIS IS THE ABUSIVE MAN. How pleased he is with himself right now. You’ve moved to his comfort zone. No one is there to influence you but him. He has his hooks in you, and he’s gotten whatever it is that he set out to get from you. Money, sex, or a maid.

You think life is wonderful! I’m with the man I’ve fallen so deeply in love with. He shows you off to his friends and family. He shows you around town, where to shop, etc. You watch TV and snuggle; living, loving, and laughing together. What could be better than that?

After awhile, little by little everything starts to change. You hardly notice at first. You haven’t yet realized that you have altered your own personality or views to fit his, even though you are a strong person.

You want to go home for a visit with family. He tells you there isn’t enough money in the budget for that. You continue to persist. You want to spread your wings and do new things. Make new friends. He doesn’t want you to because this threatens him.

All of a sudden, he’s not as easy to get along with as in the beginning. You find that he often appears moody. This is because your defiance is not part of his plan. He becomes insecure and unhappy with his life. You say NO to him too many times so he feels the need to regain the upper hand. Now he is openly controlling you.

You start telling your family how he has changed. He isolates you and causes trouble between you and your family or friends because he feels they may be poisoning your mind against him.

The compliments stop. He doesn’t say please and thank you anymore. He doesn’t want you to feel good about yourself. That would diminish his control over you.

Your relationship is faltering. You try to make it better. You constantly give in to him to keep the peace. You are a puppet. You are so busy pleasing him you don’t even realize he doesn’t give a hoot about making you happy. When he does do something to please you, he expects instant and constant gratification. It’s all about him. It’s always been all about him. It will always be all about him.

Every time you don’t do exactly what he wants you to do an argument ensues. Enter the temper outbursts, the name calling, and the mental and physical abuse. He puts his face up against your face. With fire in his eyes, he yells and screams at you. He belly butts you up against a wall so tightly that you can’t move or breathe. He punches you, and throws you to the floor in his rage.

Your opinions don’t matter. You’re not allowed to make decisions. You’re just a stupid girl. You are his slave.

Enter the bully … the aggressor.

You hate him for lying to you about who he was when you met him. You hate him for destroying your fairytale. You resent him for taking away your self-esteem. You feel violated, hurt, and angry.

If you persist in challenging his authority, he will become your worse nightmare. He’ll threaten you, humiliated you, and physically abuse you into submission. After which he’ll beg for your forgiveness and promise never to hurt you again. But, every time you challenge him, he escalates the abuse because he feels you haven’t learned your lesson.

You plot and plan your escape but you feel trapped. You are so afraid of him. You are all alone and hundreds of miles away from family. You don’t know where to go or what to do.

You’ve got to RUN GIRL RUN! Seek help and get away from him as fast as you can … before it’s too late!

Don’t stay because you think it’s safer. RUN! KEEP ON RUNNING and DON’T LOOK BACK!

Sadly, he doesn’t feel he’s done anything wrong. He blames you for his own abusive behavior. He’s broken, but he can’t be fixed until he admits that he needs help. Understand … you are NOT the one to make him better!

This is a true story. It is MY story. My abuser has never been punished or held accountable for his crimes against me. He’s enjoying the good life and free to claim his next victim.

I tell this story to expose men like him and to educate women. These monstrous predators live secretly among us. Beware, the big bad wolf is always lurking.

FROM THE VERY FIRST MOMENT YOU LAY EYES ON HIM IN THAT CHAT ROOM PAY ATTENTION TO THE RED FLAGS. DON’T DISMISS ANY OF THEM NO MATTER HOW TRIVIAL YOU THINK THEY MIGHT BE.

If he seems like he’s too good to be true, it’s because he probably is.

Lex lives in NJ. Cnn has three children and four grandchildren. She enjoys reading, crafting and writing.